You did your best: The Art of the Noncompliment

A few years ago my friend Jeannine and I began collecting “noncompliments”, a spinoff of a list of band comments that another friend and I had compiled after sharing post-gig stories from our bands. (His was called Satellite Lost—I’ll have to find out if they’re still out there somewhere.) Here’s a sample from that first list:

Post-gig comments * I can’t believe you pulled that off. * Don’t worry, there will be other gigs. *You've gotten a lot better since the last time I saw you. * I love Alex's new guitar. * Have you been practicing a lot? * That was a really long set. How many songs was that? *You guys are fun to watch. * It's not your fault. The sound guy f&cked you. * “You guys are good” where “good” is too high-pitched and reveals the speaker’s strained attempt to cover up his or her real feelings. (Credit due to Dorothy Hui for this last one.)

I think my all-time favorite was: "How do you think you did?" [As our drummer Joe put it, “I didn’t realize it was a test – I think I passed.”]

Anyway, Jeannine and I discovered countless ways to courteously offend others from asking an off-topic question when a compliment is called for to giving self-improvement gifts to handing out praise for meeting bare minimum standards. Here are a few examples --more to come.

• I can see what you’re trying to do.
• You’re very practical about clothing.
• It had its moments.
• You look cute (when dressed for a prom, wedding, or other grand occasion when “cute” is not the goal).
• Wow, you cut your hair!
• Is that a new outfit?
• You got up there and did your thing.
• I don’t know why people don’t like your artwork.
• That sounds like an interesting job.
• That seems like a worthwhile thing to be doing.
• She’s pretty enough.
• You had the date of a lifetime and the night is reported back through a friend as “We had a few laughs”.
• You look happy.
• You are glowing.
• He's actually pretty good at his job.
• They balance each other out (for a couple).
• You're lucky you found someone.
• I wish I had the balls to wear that.
• Trust me, one day you’ll be glad you picked someone who is stable and hardworking.
• You’re great at setting limits for yourself.