"It's over, let go"
“It’s over, let go.” I like that phrase, from Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love. (Committed a pretty good read, as well). The kind of book that's fun and insightful, well-written but not amazing, the kind you wish you’d written. The kind you enjoy, and even learn from, but the whole time you’re reading it you feel this low level of gnawing irritation that you didn’t write it. Notice I didn’t say “couldn’t” or “wouldn’t”, just didn’t, as it’s totally passive and not due to lack of talent or tenacity or ability. Just, “Oh, I was going to write that book, but she beat me to it.” Also makes me think of an ex-boss who always said to people whose phone calls she did not return, “I was going to call you back, but it didn’t happen.” I love that one. I was going to put more effort into my relationship, but it didn’t happen. I was going to get you something for your birthday...the list could go on and on. It’s great. I was going to not punch you, but it didn’t happen. At that point, maybe the friendship is over. Let go.
Wow, that's really hard. If we could all let go when it's over, regret would disappear...would nostalgia go, too? It's over, let go sounds very un-Jewish to me. We never let go, we hold on, that's how we're taught to remember. I wonder if it's possible to find a healthy balance.
ReplyDeleteNot so hot on that book...I know, I know, I'm supposed to love it. But I don't think it's the self-empowering tome of womanhood it's made out to be. It's just another ode to self-indulgence. What do I know?
ReplyDeleteLeah - you're right it sounds un-Jewish. What is that resistance to letting go though, even of friendships that aren't working, jobs you don't like? The "I'm not fired, I quit thing" or the "Go away! Where are you?" But it's more than that. It's not just ego, having to be the one who gets rid of, not is gotten rid of. (Wow, weird flashback to Stack writing "I was dumped" in giant, marker print on a cardboard box.) Eat, Pray, Love did feel very self-indulgent. I also didn't like the picture-perfect true love stuff at the end. I still maintain the relationships people make out to be the best are usually rotten to the core. The ones people complain a whole lot about are often quite healthy, happy (from what I can tell).
ReplyDeleteI once had someone say to me: "I feel like telling you to go fuck yourself". I looked at him, smiled and lit up a joint. I had no come backs, except to blow smoke in his face, which I knew annoyed him very much. That was the last time I saw that person. What a way to end a friendship! I wish he could have just said " My life is upside down,my wife hates you, this isn't happening, later nerd."
ReplyDeleteRachel Federman said...
ReplyDeleteOh my God. What he said was perfect, Alex, massively insulting without actually insulting, simply reporting a feeling-state. There are so many great drummers leaving the band stories and this is another one I had forgotten about. 50 ways to leave your drummer (or have him leave you).
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ReplyDeleteAlex I cannot believe you wrote that
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