Top 11 reasons why having a kid won't save your marriage
1. You can't take a walk or go meet friends on impulse, to blow off steam.
2. You can't say, "I'm just irritable because I'm overtired. Once I get a good night's sleep I'll be okay." I mean you can say that, but you can't reasonably expect it to happen.
3. Before, most time outside work was fun and then every now and then there was an errand to run, a dish to clean or something to worry about. Reverse that ratio.
4. Co-sleeping (a.k.a. The Family Bed)
7. Vacations used to be: sitting on the beach for hours, taking a dip every now and then, gazing out at the water, then casually discussing a vague plan for dinner, or drinks first, or maybe a nap. Vacations now: How do we fit this all in the trunk? I can't believe you forgot the sleep machine. Is there a place that sells Children's Tylenol anywhere in this damn state? I really don't want to be "that family" on the train again. Can we have the check please? As soon as humanly possible? Are we having fun yet? Stewardesses handing you whiskey. Realizing you should have put more sunscreen on. Telling strangers, "That will come right out in the wash" or "That didn't look like it would break." You only brought four diapers? For the whole day? How do we get the stroller up there? Should we just go back to the hotel? Sorry, he's not usually this cranky. Oh well, we tried.
8. What a 10-year-old said to me at a bbq a few weeks ago when he saw Alex and I cracking open a few Sam Adams: "If you own a kid, you shouldn't drink wine or beer." Very funny, charming little guy. I don't agree, but you certainly can't drink as much and there's always the issue of getting home and lifting heavy objects and no such thing as "crashing".
9. Candlelight penne a la vodka ---> Mac & cheese + Sponge Bob
10. If you thought it was hard to agree on where to put your couch and whether to eat whole wheat pasta or plain, well, I can't even get started on this, because suddenly it seems like every waking second you have to agree on how you're going to proceed in life. You cannot do a single thing, even meet a friend for a half pint, without it being discussed and agreed upon. You can, at least, autonomously decide on the kind of beer that goes into that half-pint glass.
11. Overheard: "They used to be so much fun."
But, all this is not to say that having a kid isn't the absolute greatest thing in the universe. It is. I mean that way of describing it sounds hyperbolically annoying but it really is, I just can't think of anything more incredible to experience. Sometimes I worry my blog makes it sound like I don't feel that way. But my sense is that to let myself feel that wonder and happiness of it I have to be honest about the whole range of experience. And that includes frustration with not knowing what it's like to wake up on my own anymore, because I was done sleeping. Can you imagine what that would be like? To wake up and look around to see what time it is, then pull the blankets up and close your eyes for a little while longer and try to remember your dreams? And I just have one kid. ONE KID. You people with multiple...I don't know how you do it. ("It gets easier." "They keep each other occupied." "I sleep through it.")