Venting - pointless
I've been so frustrated by Petra's inability to fall or stay asleep lately. When we can't count on her to go down and stay down for at least a few hours in the evening, the whole precarious household dynamic falls apart. I can't work. Alex can't watch his game. Neither one of us manages to clean up very well or attend to Wally very well or just remember anything at all. It's just like this whole struggle and eventually someone gives up and goes to bed with her and it feels like whatever safety valve a few hours of relative not-chaos provides is just missing. Permission slips don't get signed. Food gets left out and spoils. Phones go missing.
Over an hour and a half now. Much more I wanted to say...but so hard to even think with this screaming.
I just looked at a DRAFT post from last September. I had been writing about a wildflower project my sister had to do in the summer before I think 10th grade and of course she left it until like the day before school started and it sent a full-blown panic through our house. Amazing how those projects blow up & seem so overwhelming. I don't know why I was thinking about that on the day before Wally started first grade (during which time I've taken most of his homework and slipped it into the recycling bin) but anyway here we are with just over a week left to go.
Man it was a hard year and it was a little too much. I was the hurried (no longer) child this time but things here on the nights Petra mostly slept were calm. The contractors tearing through the walls of this building as part of a major 4-year multi-million dollar project left a smiley face on the wall for the kids. The construction sends us out into the streets at dawn. By 7:15 in the morning lately I am at the playgrounds with Petra.
Over an hour and a half now. Much more I wanted to say...but so hard to even think with this screaming.
I just looked at a DRAFT post from last September. I had been writing about a wildflower project my sister had to do in the summer before I think 10th grade and of course she left it until like the day before school started and it sent a full-blown panic through our house. Amazing how those projects blow up & seem so overwhelming. I don't know why I was thinking about that on the day before Wally started first grade (during which time I've taken most of his homework and slipped it into the recycling bin) but anyway here we are with just over a week left to go.
Man it was a hard year and it was a little too much. I was the hurried (no longer) child this time but things here on the nights Petra mostly slept were calm. The contractors tearing through the walls of this building as part of a major 4-year multi-million dollar project left a smiley face on the wall for the kids. The construction sends us out into the streets at dawn. By 7:15 in the morning lately I am at the playgrounds with Petra.
My first baby hated to be without me...sometime the second was asleep and so I thought that I would write or....but number one had other ideas-needs-communiques-----
ReplyDeleteAnyway, the oldest (37)is performing in Europe and the younger (33) is climbing mountains and standing on her head and hands and ...it is very quite here now.
In such a demanding season...how lovely that you seek to keep your inner equilibrium even as the circumstances conspire....
You perhaps have heard of a Emperor who wanted his wise men to write a phase he could keep before him that would be true in all circumstances....they wrote "this shall pass."
I always enjoy peeking in on your blog..glad you are writing.
Sorry to hear that. Maybe a snack before she goes to bed? Maybe it would help her sleep longer...though you might be doing that already. I always liked a little Ellio frozen pizza before bed as a kid...Gristedes has it...
ReplyDeleteLove these comments & will respond to them soon - thank you!
ReplyDeleteJeanette - thanks for your thoughts...always full of such wisdom and insight. It's good to remember how many other writers struggle with this...thinking they have a moment of quiet to write and then realizing the baby/child has other ideas...it helps me to see you write it that way, too, because it makes it sound so much more tolerable. The young child is certainly entitled to other ideas-needs-communiques...Performing in Europe and mountain-climbing/head-standing sound like the best things to do in one's 30s...that must bring you joy to know they are so free.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the words of the Emperor; wise indeed.
Bearette - I find your advice so comforting in its simplicity and lack of pretense. A little Ellio pizza from nearby Gristedes...thank you.