There's a nice, light covering of snow on the ground and it's a pretty wintry night here but somehow I'm just not feeling it. Or rather I was feeling it, too much, because I had a skirt and tights on today (which I hardly ever do anymore) because I had a meeting at Jazz at Lincoln Center. Plus my jacket doesn't close all the way. Most days I can only zip up the bottom 8 inches or so. I thought I could get through the winter with it, because I'm used to the fake winters we've been having the past few years where the trees are all in bloom by now. I'm glad we had a real winter. But the open coat situation is getting a bit ridiculous.
After the meeting I had to race to get Wally. Then race to drop him off at a friend's. Then race off to the doctor. Many, many more doctors visits this time around because of my AMA (advanced maternal age). I've had at least 6 sonograms so far and have 4 more scheduled, one a week until the due date.
Does anyone out there reading this have any thoughts about doulas? I didn't use one last time, but there are apparently these free doulas out there I found out about from a friend who is also due soon. I was looking into it. One answered right away and seemed super nice. She sent me various forms to fill out including a birth plan and as soon as I'm asked for a plan of any kind I tend to run the other direction, plus she couldn't guarantee she'd be the doula on call the night I would need her. So I ended up declining. I didn't see the point of having a total stranger in such an intimate role. It's true the midwife delivering might not be one I know well, and I won't know the nurses at all, but then why throw another random person into the mix? I know she would likely be supportive and an advocate for me and maybe give great back massages but what if it's just a really annoying person and you're stuck with her the whole way throught? Or what if she doesn't let you back out of the plan you never wanted to have in the first place? Like maybe she'll keep reminding you when you want an epidural "Remember, you didn't want to get one" and pointing to the birth plan that you didn't want to write in the first place and you're tearing up the pages screaming "But I want to get one now!" Another friend wondered if maybe I wouldn't have had the Pitocin last time if I'd had a doula, and wouldn't have eventually caved after that.
The last two nights I've been reading Active Birth and Hypnobirthing and sometimes listening to relaxation music. What I'm also wondering is--according to a lot of these holistic, natural birth-type people, giving birth needn't cause any pain. Yet the people I know who went for the whole hog natural home deep breathing water no intervention active/hypnotic labor process report that it did still hurt like hell. Were they just not breathing deeply enough? Was their doula making them tense up in irritation? Is painless birth a myth?
I was telling Alex the other day that I feel more anxious in a certain way this time than last, both about the birth and the weeks that will follow, when you'd think it'd be the other way around. He disagreed, and thought it made perfect sense. "This time you know what you're in for."
After the meeting I had to race to get Wally. Then race to drop him off at a friend's. Then race off to the doctor. Many, many more doctors visits this time around because of my AMA (advanced maternal age). I've had at least 6 sonograms so far and have 4 more scheduled, one a week until the due date.
Does anyone out there reading this have any thoughts about doulas? I didn't use one last time, but there are apparently these free doulas out there I found out about from a friend who is also due soon. I was looking into it. One answered right away and seemed super nice. She sent me various forms to fill out including a birth plan and as soon as I'm asked for a plan of any kind I tend to run the other direction, plus she couldn't guarantee she'd be the doula on call the night I would need her. So I ended up declining. I didn't see the point of having a total stranger in such an intimate role. It's true the midwife delivering might not be one I know well, and I won't know the nurses at all, but then why throw another random person into the mix? I know she would likely be supportive and an advocate for me and maybe give great back massages but what if it's just a really annoying person and you're stuck with her the whole way throught? Or what if she doesn't let you back out of the plan you never wanted to have in the first place? Like maybe she'll keep reminding you when you want an epidural "Remember, you didn't want to get one" and pointing to the birth plan that you didn't want to write in the first place and you're tearing up the pages screaming "But I want to get one now!" Another friend wondered if maybe I wouldn't have had the Pitocin last time if I'd had a doula, and wouldn't have eventually caved after that.
The last two nights I've been reading Active Birth and Hypnobirthing and sometimes listening to relaxation music. What I'm also wondering is--according to a lot of these holistic, natural birth-type people, giving birth needn't cause any pain. Yet the people I know who went for the whole hog natural home deep breathing water no intervention active/hypnotic labor process report that it did still hurt like hell. Were they just not breathing deeply enough? Was their doula making them tense up in irritation? Is painless birth a myth?
I was telling Alex the other day that I feel more anxious in a certain way this time than last, both about the birth and the weeks that will follow, when you'd think it'd be the other way around. He disagreed, and thought it made perfect sense. "This time you know what you're in for."
Personally I'm not really into doulas. You'll already have Alex there to support you, right? Plus, the second time is so fast (3 hours for Eric, 15 minutes for Zoe).
ReplyDeletewait - 15 minutes total, start to finish? or just for the actual pushing part you mean
ReplyDeletePushing, but the contractions were quick too. At first I thought they were stomach pains because we were all having that gramercy stomach flu. Then I realized the pains were regular, 2 minutes apart...raced to the hospital...already 9 cm when i got there...no time for drugs, she was out in 15 minutes.
ReplyDeleteSecond time was much easier... don't read too much...know what signs would indicate the need for more intervention. You have a plan...you have your best and highest hopes and you know you may need to flex according to what manifests in real time. Enjoy...maybe you will be happily surprised...I hope so!
ReplyDeleteI was fascinated by this too! I found that the way Susan McCutcheon (http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Childbirth-Bradley-Way-Revised/dp/0452276594) described seemed the most reasonable - she said that some births for some woman are perceived as painless because of numerous factors- baby position, woman's expectations, environment, etc. (She said for herself 1 out of her births was painless).
ReplyDeleteBearette - that's amazing - I don't think I ever heard that story. Jeannette - thanks for your encouraging words. Eli - I should check out McCutcheon. I want to talk to someone who experienced a painless birth. Sometimes I wonder if i's bravado, like the baby who sleeps through the night from day one.
ReplyDeleteyou can talk to my mom- she said she had contractions for 1 day and was 10 cm dilated and didn't consider herself in pain. I think different people perceive pain differently as well as differences in what "sensations" are actually occurring. I tend to agree with you, that part of it HAS to be bravado - like running a race and being tired, out of breath and then finishing and being totally excited.
ReplyDeletePeople definitely vary widely in terms of tolerance for pain. You have the highest pain threshold of pretty much anyone I've ever met so it wouldn't surprise me if your mom's was super high as well. Yes - bravado like running a race and also I think natural tendency to forget the pain and stress that went into something incredible. When the outcome is good, it sort of cancels out the negative sensations that went into achieving it.
ReplyDeleteI have a low tolerance for pain- I wanted to not have an epidural for Max,I got a shot that took the edge off, but when it went on and on and I gave up. For Eli I tried the shot and it did nothing. You should do whatever feels right at the time, and not be upset by a different birth than planned.
ReplyDeleteI do think Alex is right in that you know what you are in for the second time around- the first time you can't really imagine.
And I am one of those women who love babies....
I totally agree that people have different tolerances for pain. I do not have a high tolerance. I wanted to avoid an epidural for Max and had a shot that took the edge off, but when it went on and on I gave up. You should do whatever feels right to you and the time and not worry about a plan.A woman in my book club had 3 natural births (b/c it was the 70s and that's what you were supposed to do) and she has nightmares. Audrey, as you know, had her baby at home with nothing- but the whole thing lasted 45 minutes, and she has a much higher tolerance than I do.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Alex that now you know what you are getting into- the first time you really can't imagine. But it will be very different b/c the baby will be a different person than Wally.
And I am one of those women who love babies.....