Sunday, March 31, 2013

Rainy Easter Sunday eve here in NYC. Still in the any-day-now phase. When I tell people my due date, they get an anxious look and remember that they have to do their taxes.

Monday, March 18, 2013

There's a nice, light covering of snow on the ground and it's a pretty wintry night here but somehow I'm just not feeling it. Or rather I was feeling it, too much, because I had a skirt and tights on today (which I hardly ever do anymore) because I had a meeting at Jazz at Lincoln Center. Plus my jacket doesn't close all the way. Most days I can only zip up the bottom 8 inches or so. I thought I could get through the winter with it, because I'm used to the fake winters we've been having the past few years where the trees are all in bloom by now. I'm glad we had a real winter. But the open coat situation is getting a bit ridiculous. 

After the meeting I had to race to get Wally. Then race to drop him off at a friend's. Then race off to the doctor. Many, many more doctors visits this time around because of my AMA (advanced maternal age). I've had at least 6 sonograms so far and have 4 more scheduled, one a week until the due date. 

Does anyone out there reading this have any thoughts about doulas? I didn't use one last time, but there are apparently these free doulas out there I found out about from a friend who is also due soon. I was looking into it. One answered right away and seemed super nice. She sent me various forms to fill out including a birth plan and as soon as I'm asked for a plan of any kind I tend to run the other direction, plus she couldn't guarantee she'd be the doula on call the night I would need her. So I ended up declining. I didn't see the point of having a total stranger in such an intimate role. It's true the midwife delivering might not be one I know well, and I won't know the nurses at all, but then why throw another random person into the mix? I know she would likely be supportive and an advocate for me and maybe give great back massages but what if it's just a really annoying person and you're stuck with her the whole way throught? Or what if she doesn't let you back out of the plan you never wanted to have in the first place? Like maybe she'll keep reminding you when you want an epidural "Remember, you didn't want to get one" and pointing to the birth plan that you didn't want to write in the first place and you're tearing up the pages screaming "But I want to get one now!" Another friend wondered if maybe I wouldn't have had the Pitocin last time if I'd had a doula, and wouldn't have eventually caved after that.

The last two nights I've been reading Active Birth and Hypnobirthing and sometimes listening to relaxation music. What I'm also wondering is--according to a lot of these holistic, natural birth-type people, giving birth needn't cause any pain. Yet the people I know who went for the whole hog natural home deep breathing water no intervention active/hypnotic labor process report that it did still hurt like hell. Were they just not breathing deeply enough? Was their doula making them tense up in irritation? Is painless birth a myth?

I was telling Alex the other day that I feel more anxious in a certain way this time than last, both about the birth and the weeks that will follow, when you'd think it'd be the other way around. He disagreed, and thought it made perfect sense. "This time you know what you're in for."