Wednesday, February 27, 2013

There is this strange light that has been making an appearance only at the very end of an otherwise gray day. I suppose the light itself isn't strange -- it's the sun -- but seeing the orange glow on the buildings across the street was so unexpected both times it felt to me like a kind of apparitional experience. Here I was coming in with the groceries, feeling much more exhausted this pregnancy than last, the neighbor upstairs was tapping out on the piano a very slow and deliberate version of Ode to Joy, and I think -- the day is coming to a close now, there is a sort of surrender, a relinquishing of further possibilities, a preparation for rest -- but then I glance out the window and the sudden Edward Hopper light contradicts that.  

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Now that Wally's almost five, not taking a nap most days and sleeping better, there are mornings where he sleeps until 7 or even 7:30 and I wake up -- naturally, on my own -- before he does. (Before Alex's alarm clock even which seems to go off at just about 7 even though that's when he has to leave the house?) It is an incredible feeling not to be wrenched out of sleep with a crowbar. 

I thought it happened this morning and I was just luxuriating in the quiet time to myself when I realized it was just after 4 am. I couldn't fall back asleep, but I wasn't productive either. I did, however, enjoy the quiet, without anxiety about falling back to sleep.

It's been a nice winter here so far. No real snow storms, but at least these little light dustings of snow that give the right visual for a few hours in the morning.

A steady stream of agent rejections for our chick lit/women's fiction novel. I should be starting to fill out kindergarten applications. There's a women who works in our zoned school who was a student under my grandmother at IS 70 more than four decades ago. I'm going to a new ob practice this time because of insurance but I recently met with a midwife who it turns out was one of the nurses at my delivery five years ago. New York still has that small-town feel. 

I am bracing myself for another couple years of being wrenched out of sleep with a crowbar every hour on the hour during the night. In the beginning though this time I'm not going to follow the feed-the-baby-every-2-hours rule during the night. Did anyone else follow that? I think it was only NYU that even brought up that ludicrous idea. I sometimes wonder if waking Wally up all night like that (after feeding, changing him, rocking him back to sleep, he'd usually have just an hour before we woke him for the next feeding) got him started on a lifetime of bad sleeping habits. He's still up in the middle of the night several nights a week, even now.

I know it's not recommended that you "never wake a sleeping baby" the way our parents did (and that was back when we slept really well, if not safely, on our tummies). But every 4 hours or so seems adequate. I also read about "The Pause" in Bringing up Bebe. Instead of assuming a baby is awake every time it squirms and fusses, pause, wait and see. It may just be transitioning between phases. If you rush in at those times, you'll disturb the baby's ability to tie sleep phases together. Or so say the French, and apparently the guy who own Tribeca Pediatrics, who may also be French. I forget now. I've been up too long and the day is just starting. Another bright winter day. A blank page. The streets are gray but on the yard next to our apartment at least, the ground is still covered in white.